Tips for Parents of College Students
- Don't expect lots of communication from college administration. Your child is now an adult. You will not even legally be able to open grade reports that come in the mail.
- Let your student know that you are there for support and advice, but not for lectures. Parents of college students need to be mentors/sounding boards, but not the problem solvers. Parents can suggest solutions or offer emotional support, but not do the solution (e.g., tell your student to talk to a problematic professor, you would not call a dean or the professor). Don't be tempted to call too frequently, but of course, if there is a big problem, you are always available. You need to give your student time to be independent, but...
- If your student has a history of emotional or academic problems, they may need special support that they may not know how to access at college, so route them to student services. Some students (especially those from private, prep or parochial high schools) may have undiagnosed learning disabilities that can derail them.
- If your student has a track record of drinking, using drugs or self-harming, the stresses of moving, college classes, fitting in, learning the new surroundings and rules (or lack thereof) and negotiating roommate adaptations can be compounded by not having the support that home offered or access to familiar friends; thus there can be a deterioration in functioning. Many colleges have abandoned clinical-counseling centers in favor of career/academic-counseling centers, so not all colleges have a place where students can get emotional support. Parents should find this out in advance if they suspect their student would benefit from such help.
- The best way to communicate is to have conversations. The best conversations come from a non-judgmental, non-pressured dialog and the best dialogs come from asking sincere questions that are not cross-examinations.